The Secrets of Women's Language - A must-read for any man

Keywords and their meanings:

"Fine": This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we
feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to
describe how woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those
arguments.

"Five minutes": This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five
minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out
the trash, so it's an even trade.

"Nothing": This means something and you should be on your
toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has
of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and
backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will
last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine".

"Go Ahead" (with raised eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will
result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the
word "Fine".

"Go Ahead" (normal eyebrows): This means "I give up" or "do what
you want because I don't care". You will get a raised eyebrow "Go
ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and
she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

<Loud Sigh>: This is not actually a word, but is still often a
verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she
thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting
her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".

<Soft Sigh>: Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft
Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand.
She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will
stay content.

"Oh": This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example; "Oh,
let me get that". Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing
last night." If she says "Oh" before a statement, RUN, do not walk,
to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is
done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to
talk to you for at least 2 days. "Oh" as the lead to a sentence
usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie
more to get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows "Go ahead"
followed by acts so unspeakable that we can't bring ourselves to
write about them.

"That's Okay": This is one of the most dangerous statements that a
woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think
long and hard before paying you retributions for what ever it is that
you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and
used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go ahead". At some point
in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to
be in some mighty big trouble.